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sarcasm is always better

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

I stumbled across this poem I wrote on September 22, 1997. I was 19 years old and clearly dealing with an issue or two about a guy. It’s not Poet Laureate-worthy, but I remember being really proud of it back then. It’s obviously sarcastic (as you can tell by the title) but brutally honest at the same time. I remember it being very important that I write it all in lowercase letters.
Perhaps I was channeling E. E. Cummings, I don’t know.
____

donít tell me how iím feeling
donít say you understand
give me a little credit
so sorry iím not a man

i apologize deeply for my emotions
and the body in which theyíre held
i strive to be perfect like you
but obviously my attempts have failed

iím sorry that my jokes
are not as funny as your face
and iím sorry that iím lagging
so far behind in this race

iím sorry iím not as gorgeous
as all your friends’ girlfriends’
but i always thought it was substance
whatís inside that makes a difference

iím sorry that iíve been a disappointment
i didnít measure up to your expectations
but i refuse to be degraded
and iím sick of our confrontations

so iím doing you a favor
iím sure youíll like it this way
iím leaving you for good now
though i shouldíve left yesterday

so sorry if iíve hurt your ego
iíve noticed your head has gotten bigger
but iím walking away happily
running from you with vigor

donít bother saying sorry
that has always been my job
donít tell me youíll change
youíll always be a slob

iíve made my decision
and itís the best one as of yet
i wonít be missing you at all
not one minute, one second, will i fret

well i said what i had to say
and iím already gone, you see
i pray you meet your match
and she treats you like you treated me

Copyright ©2006 Felicia Michele Folinazzo

I want to be on Jeopardy!

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

Some may remember that two years ago I tried out for the trivia game show, Jeopardy! I did not make it past the first round back then so I thought I’d give it another go. The process is a bit different now: potential contestants may register on the show’s website to take a 50-question online test, similar to the one I took two years ago. Well, I just finished this online test and I do not have a good feeling about it. Unfortunately, there is no way to find out what my score is or if I even “passed”. From the show’s website: “The only way you will know if you passed the test is if you are contacted by a member of the JEOPARDY! contestant department.” I guess I will just wait and see…

Is the curse near its end?

Monday, March 27th, 2006
Okay, so the Red Sox did it a couple of years ago. The White Sox did it last year. Is this finally the year the Cubs do it? I dunno, but if they have flair for ... [Continue reading this entry]

Where the heck is George Mason anyway?!

Sunday, March 26th, 2006
Wow. That is all I can say. Wow. George Mason University is in the Final Four. Before this year's NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament started, I'd never even heard of the school. When my Michigan State Spartans were ... [Continue reading this entry]

Ravinia summer line-up

Sunday, March 26th, 2006
The 2006 Ravinia Summer Season calendar is complete. Tickets for events go on sale April 20th. I spotted a few interesting appearances already, namely uShaka Africa Opera on June 8th and 9th, and BoDeans on June 10th. ... [Continue reading this entry]

St. Joseph’s Day

Friday, March 17th, 2006
This Sunday, March 19th, is the annual feast of St. Joseph. We Italian-Americans celebrate the day by either hosting or attending a traditional St. Joseph's Table. Two years ago Felicia wrote about this tradition and the meaning ... [Continue reading this entry]

Race To Wrigley

Saturday, March 11th, 2006
On Saturday, April 15th, Felicia and I will be taking part in the first-ever Race To Wrigley 5K. The event will benefit Chicago Cubs Charities. The race begins and ends at Wrigley Field, the course winding through ... [Continue reading this entry]

Top 10 Bumper Stickers

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
10. bs2.jpg 9. bs4.jpg 8. bs5.jpg 7. bs6.jpg 6. bs7.jpg 5. bs8.jpg 4. bs10.jpg[Continue reading this entry]

Even more Africa photos: Hiding from the elephant

Sunday, March 5th, 2006
Remember when I wrote about the elephant that came through our campsite on the rim of Ngorongoro Crater? I was too busy trying to hide from the beast so I didn't get any good photos. Marisa, my ... [Continue reading this entry]

Seeing the sun through the snow

Sunday, March 5th, 2006
Today it is snowing here in Chicago (or as one local weatherman said, "It is Slushy Sunday."), but in my own little world it is sunny and 75 degrees. How can that be, you ask? Well, today brings ... [Continue reading this entry]